Thursday, December 16, 2004


Call me Israel because I wrestle with God.

I get so frustrated over things that I can't control and I'm not nice and I'm not pretty when I'm like this and I know that and it frustrates me even more.

The other night I was saying my prayers and was acting like the spoiled child who hadn't gotten her way and God caught me in the act. He told me to let go. That was all. A simple child-like command for my childish behavior. Easy... Well not quite. I made it difficult. I even woke up the next morning still frustrated at myself and at God for what he was asking me to do.

After talking to a couple friends, who all encouraged me not to ignore what God was asking me to do, I prayed about it and asked for his help to let go of the thing that was keeping me from him.

I breathed my first free breath, no stress, no tension, no frustration. Letting go wasn't punishment, it was freedom.

The rest of this week, instead of letting myself worry, I'm trying to turn it over to God.

I'm trusting that the God who makes the sunset with such great detail that it is different every day will treat my life with that same care as he has in the past