Thursday, March 31, 2005

Love is....

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

~thanks Anna Meyer!

Monday, March 21, 2005


I can now say that I've traveled to another country, even it if is just to mexico (but this was deep in the heart of mexico so it counts more I think). This past week I was blessed to be able to go on a mission trip with 5 of my youthand 5 adults to Hidaldo Del Manto Mexico (El Manto for short) to do a dental clinic and nurses clinic for the residents in this village. I've never had a more frustrating yet more fulfilling time. Here's what i learned from my week there.

1) Language barriers suck, but you can, with any luck, find ways to communicate around them. I screened patients in espanol from this health screening sheet that was bilingual--praise God. (My espanol is muy mal--spanish 1 was a mucho grande long time ago), I did ok asking questions, but when they didn't understand or when they tried to further explain, I was lost and got easily frustrated. By the end of the week, I found it easier to converse.

2) Gratitude overflows and people want to share theirs even when they have nothing. The people in El Manto had no money, no jobs, but they opened their homes to us and fed us... oh it was soooo good--that was the way they showed gratitude--even though they had nothing.

3) Our leftovers were their first pickings. We only took our excess and left behind what we didn't need, but it was like a precious commodity to them.

4) I sat in a catholic cathedral in durango (the city we flew out of) and realized that God is present in all times and in all countries and that there is beauty being able to sit in the silence and presence of God and listen to his people worship in a language you can't understand.


I learned a lot more and saw a lot more and grew more than I expected so talk to me about it and I'll tell you :)


Now it seems that I'm waiting for April for more than one reason.. and i'm not sure what to do with it. Not only am I waiting on my future, but I have the possibility on waiting on someone else's as well. Here's to the month of April.

Have a great evening folks! I'm gonna go sleep off mexico

Monday, March 07, 2005

When it rains...

To say exactly what I'm feeling right now is hard to do.... maybe the best way to describe it is numb.

I feel like whatever decision I make, it's the wrong one. As of now, I'm getting more and more spread out to different areas, but I need the experience, however, the more things I do, the less time I have to do other things and invariably, I have to make a choice... to do the one thing and sacrifice the other. It's even more frustrating when I have to sacrifice the thing I want to do to do the thing I should do. But on the other hand, I feel guilty when I do the thing I want to do and don't go to the thing I should go to. There has to be a balance, somewhere, right?

I also feel like I have no idea where to go. I'd love to start putting together a youth board for next year and start working on planning events, but since I don't know where I'll be next year, if I'll be here or in Timbuktu I feel paralyzed. I can't plan my future anywhere, I can't even NOT plan my future here. If I knew I was leaving I could at least begin to say goodbyes or have some sort of closure, but right now I'm just waiting....

I also wonder why I want the things I've been praying for. This waiting for a call from anywhere is hard, and I want it to be from Messiah, but I have to ask why? Why do I want it from Messiah? Because I truly feel I can serve effectively? Because right now there are no other options? Becuase God is calling me here? why? what do I want? who am I?

Overall, life seems to be picking up... I can say that I have met some great people through the young adult Bible study that I'm going to and that there will be some great teachers here next year (if I'm here), but at the same time, I feel like i'm losing friends. People that I thought would be life-long friends are slowly losing touch, getting boyfriends and saying goodbye alltogether. Yes, things change and life changes, but you can't have a future without having a past can you?

All the things I've been blogging about are weighing me down like bricks and each paragraph I write brings me closer and closer to tears. I guess numbness is the best alternative, because if I felt as much as I do right now, I wouldn't be able to function at all. So I move on. Exhuausted, praying for God to deliver me out of this mess that I'm making of myself.