Monday, December 13, 2004

The Call and Will of God?

Tis the season to be calling...

Two months ago, one month ago, three weeks ago the answer was easy. I wanted to stay. Two weeks ago I started to realize what that would mean if I did or what it meant if I would leave. So, I did what I'm good at and made a list of reasons to stay and to go and came out even. Some reasons to leave are technicalities, some are big things I need to give more consideration and prayer. Some reasons to stay are valid reasons, but do they outweigh the reasons go go?

I guess that it all comes down to this question though: Where is God calling me? When I realized that is the root of this struggle I'm in, it takes the focus off of me and my expectations but brings up harder questions to answer than do I leave or do I stay.

The questions that reverberate in my mind then are these:
What is His will for my life? I know that God will bless the decisions that I make if I've truly been seeking him, but really, how do I distinguish between my desires and God's desires? Shouldn't they be one in the same? Would I stay because I feel comfortable or because I feel called?

It seems like there's no right answer and maybe no wrong answer to these questions, so how do I decide?I want to be back in the land of black and white, right and wrong. This gray area in which I'm walking causes me to stumble and become confused. I know that God will never let me stumble enough to become confused, only enough to seek His guidance. So I'll walk through this fog and continue to pray knowing that God will answer in His time.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why
You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

Cuz when I cross over Jordan
Gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

If You Want Me To~ Ginny Owens