On Death...

Three weeks ago, a friend of one of my youths committed suicide. Last week, the nation watched as the Virginia Tech mourned the loss of lives from 32 students, ended by another college student. Yesterday, while talking with my cousin, she told me that her brother, Matt, lost a friend on Saturday in a horrible horrible accident.

The fact that there is death and death in such unexpected, tragic means is evidence that this is a sinful world.

It's easy, when death comes, to point fingers. To say, "so and so didn't do this," or "this person is to blame for this." Even Cho, in his videos to NBC, blamed students at the school saying, "you forced me to do this." It's easy to shift blame, when who we have to blame is ourselves. Sunday, in Sunday School, one of my youth blamed Adam and Eve for their faults, saying, "all they had to follow was one rule and they broke it!"

Death is never easy. The things that are said after are never easy either. You want it to be recognized but you don't want rumors and the gossip that seem to always accompany the account. You want to offer hope, but you don't want it to sound trite. You mourn, but you seek peace and comfort in the promises of Christ.

So where is hope in death? Does it happen, as another one of my youth said, "For a reason?" I don't think that the shootings on the VA Tech campus are part of God's bigger plan, nor were the deaths of these two young people "for a reason." God can and will use these times for good, because He is God and He is good, but by saying they're part of a bigger reason is, to me, saying that God let these things happen so that lessons would be learned... and that's not true.

Death is a result of sin and satan active in this world.

So where is hope in death?

"I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory.Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. "

1 Corinthians 15:50-57

Pictures

Youth (Menges, Ace, Aimee, Emily and Jessie) and Myself
Before the Relient K Concert

Syd and I-Easter

Peculiar Brand of Homelessness

Apparently the multitudes have been clamoring for an update. By multitudes, I mean Jamie, and by clamoring I mean asking once if I'd updated yet. And that's all I need.

So, here it is... an update:

In about 3 weeks, I'll be moving to a new apartment and getting a new roommate and a new step-dog. I'm looking forward to it. I've enjoyed living by myself, but I've been craving having someone to go home to these last few months. (This also makes move #13 since I started college in 2000--I'm beginning to feel like some kind of gypsy). The impending move has also brought about a need for me to test the social waters to try to expand my friend circle a bit. I've been checking out some young adult stuff at various churches, however the catch-22 is always this: they do things the SAME night I have activities at my church. Bah.

The other day, at dinner, after helping a couple in the congregation move to their new home, they asked if Oklahoma was "home" yet and I had to think about it before answering that I thought it could be. Oklahoma is "home" in the fact that I live here, that my things are here, that my job is here, that I have some friends here... but it's not "home" home.

I'm not sure where that is. I'm not sure if the homelessness I feel is all inclusive for 20-somethings or if it comes with the number of moves I've made since I began college or the fact that 90% of my friends are all over the world and my family is all where I left them. I'm not sure if this peculiar homelessness I feel is the knowledge that this life in only the "halfway house" for my eternal home in heaven.

Whew...

It's been a manic few months. I bet you're wondering what I've been up to. But, if not... I'm going to tell you anyway... Here's what's been going on in my 2007 thus far.

Thing 1:

This has been dominating about 180% of my time. No Joke.

That, my friends, is the logo for the 2007 National Youth Gathering in Orlando this summer. I have the privelege of attending the gathering with 22 youth and 3 other adults (Lord Help Us). Our bus, after a 24 hour trip will arrive in Orlando on July 26 and pull out on August 1, with a pit stop in Biloxi, MS to do a day service project there at Camp Biloxi. It's gonna be a blast.

I'm so looking forward to the Gathering, and I'm seeing my youth get more excited as it nears, as well. However, there is a HUGE financial commitment that it requires (nearly $1100 a person) that stresses me out, wondering what exactly will happen if we don't get that much money. So far, though, the congregation has been wonderfully supportive and has really helped us out.

In the back of my mind though, there's the stress of being the primary adult in charge of the whole thing. An "OH MY GOSH WHY ARE THEY LETTING ME BE IN CHARGE OF THE WHOLE GROUP. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!" kind of niggling that hits me every once in a while. This is the first major trip that I'm in charge of. What happens if one of my kids gets sent to the hospital, is caught stealing or having sex, goes to jail or dies? I'm the adult that they'll call. I'll be the one who has to call the parent and say, "your child, on my watch, did such and such". That's a pretty big responsibility.

Overall, I'm so excited to get to the gathering and to watch the amazing things that happen there. I know that I was changed because of the experience and I know of many others who lives were impacted mightily by the things that God did through the speakers, the musicians, the planners and the activities there. I really can't wait.

2007 thing number 2:

Waaay back in January, I used my Christmas present (plane tickets!) to go see S. Sarah in Colorado. What a great time. I attempted skiing under Sarah's patient tutelage (my new fancy word). Skiing was fun, though I spent a majority of the first run like this:

Some nice man named Amil, though did ski over and help me learn some rudimentary skiing points like "making pizza slices" and I was able to really enjoy myself by the end of the day. It was nice to have some quality time with S. Sarah too as I hadn't seen her since Graduation! We also were able to plot brilliantly about B's wedding this summer and Operation Gravy Boat was born.

Thing 3:

The group at Freddy's Frozen Custard in Wichita during Youth Quake.

February brought youth quake, where I learned a very strong lesson in being prepared. I learned that even if snow cancels your meetings, you should still take the time before you leave to lay down the law. I learned that just because floors have been closed off for construction, it doesn't mean your middle schoolers won't find a way to hang out on them. I had to be the bad guy a couple times, which was no fun, but found that the adults that came along really stood along beside me and supported me when I laid down the law.

I also took a big step and led an adult session on MySpace, Facebook, etc which went really well, with the possibility of me writing some curriculum to be used at future quakes! Cool huh!

Thing 4:

Me, Jessie and Alycia at the Arch.

March is nearly over and for that I'm so thankful. It has been a crazy, crazy month. I did have the opportunity to go to St. Louis for a leadership training with two of my youth and it was a wonderful experience. Not to mention I got to see Jamie J. whom I hadn't seen since this summer. We also got to stay at a nunnery. I made some new friends and saw my youth get fired up and excited about all that they're capable of.

So, that's 2007 so far. Thanks for reading! More soon.

Bite My Tongue~Relient K

I just downloaded the new Relient K CD "Five Score and Seven Years Ago" and this has become my favorite song of the past few days.

James says that the tongue is the hardest thing to control and that's one thing I'm learning in large doses here. Self-Censorship. When to say something, when to say nothing, and when to go home, make a phone call and rant about it later to a friend in faraway locations. :)

Relient K-Bite My Tongue

I was going to spell it out in full detail but.
I dropped the call before I spilled my guts.
But your floor stayed clean like my conscience will be.
Cause if you heard anything you didn’t hear it from me
And I’m sweeping up the seconds that tick off the clock.
And saving them for later when I’m too ticked to talk.
And I need some time to search my mind.
To locate the words that seem so hard to find
Sometimes I say things that. I wish I could take back.
The most crucial thing I lack. Is a thing called tact.
And if you’re always so intently listening.

Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet.
Don’t let it all come undone.
Cause if I dare open my mouth. It’ll just be to bite my tongue. To bite my tongue

It seems I’m always close minded with an open mouth.
And the worst of me seems to come right out.
But I’ve never broken bones with a stone or a stick.
But I’ll conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick
Cause sometimes I say things that. I wish I could take back.

And the smartest thing to say is to tell myself to keep

Quiet, quiet. Don’t let it all come undone.
Cause if I dare open my mouth. It’ll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet. (And) listen to your voice.

Because the power of your words. Can repair all that I’ve destroyed

And when I finally do. Let it come from you.
The peace of understanding grips my soul.
You’re the reason I’ve. Found meaning in this life.
So I’ll swallow up my pride and give you control. Give it to you.