Comfort

For some people, there are comfort foods. Something that makes them instantly feel better the moment they sink their teeth into it. Something the reminds them of home, a certain memory, or a special event.

I don't think I'm a comfort food person (unless you count hot chocolate or hot tea).

I think that books and music are my main methods of comfort. There are certain songs on my ipod thave been played hundreds of times because the song either reminds me of a certain time or place or simply expresses what I am feeling better than I can. There are books that the bindings have been worn thin and books that have simply fallen apart and are being held together by rubber bands from their amount of times in my hands.

When reading those books or listening to a certain song, I am able to sink back into the familiar.

¿Como se dice 'frustration' en Español?

In high school, I took two years of Spanish because it was either that or art. I am no artist. Believe me. Stick figures would have filled my portfolio. Meanwhile, I found that I enjoyed Spanish, and for a while considered attending River Forest for my DCE studies and having an emphasis in Hispanic Ministry. However, the program at Seward was a better program and since they didn't have that emphasis, I didn't think to take any more Spanish at Seward (oversight on my part).

Today, I wished that I had gone with my instincts, and attended River Forest or at least taken Spanish while at Seward. A woman came in asking for information about our Mother's Day Out program. She only spoke Spanish, but brought her 8 year old son to translate for us.

It was frustrating. I wanted to be able to speak directly to the woman. I wanted us to be able to understand each other without her son having to translate. I wanted to not feel so overwhelmingly unable to offer her the information she needed.

Stupid language barriers.

The Hope of Someday

Sunday, before Sunday School, I ran into one of the middle schoolers avoiding Sunday School. I sent him to Sunday School and after class caught up with him. Our conversation went on as follows.

Me: How was Sunday School?
Boy: I hate it. I hate church. I hate Sundays.
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm glad you're here.
Boy: Only because my mom makes me come or you tell her about events and THEN she makes me come.
Me: Well, I'm still glad you're here.
Boy: I still hate it.
Me: That's ok, you can hate it. I'm fine with you hating it now. My hope is that someday you will look back at all of this as a good experience. That's my hope for you. That you continue to come to things. I'd even settle for an "Eh" instead of hate. Remember how you didn't want to go on our summer trip and you came back saying that "it wasn't that bad?" I consider that a small gain.
Boy's Mom: Well for him that's a HUGE GAIN!
Boy: Eh.

This conversation, along with this boy, has been on my mind quite a lot these past few weeks.

I am saddened that he hates Sundays. That, in the past, he has admitted to hating others in the middle school group at church. I am saddened that he feels so alone in this community, that he feels like he is forced to attend events.

I am very thankful that he has a mother that makes him attend events, an older sister who encourages him and finds joy and community at our church, that this boy has a classmate here to encourage him. I am VERY thankful that this boy is open with me, that he attends events (albiet under duress).

I am thankful God has promised His Word will not return to him empty. That God is working in this boy's life. I am thankful for the summer trip that he attended because it helped my relationship with him grow in ways that wouldn't have had he only been a confirmation student.

I am thankful for the someday part of ministry. The "someday" is the reason I love my job, love these youth, love these people.

Happiness is...

*A comfortable pair of Christmas print PJ pants.
*A night of skip-bo with the kiddos.
*Hearing that your youth love their church family.
*Finding a place to belong.
*A new winter coat and cute new shoes.
*A Fall thunderstorm.
*Good music.
*Roasted Hot dogs, campfires and corn mazes.
*Children's messages with unrelated answers.
*Friends in far-away places and free cell phone service after 9.
*New Years' Plans 2 months in advance.
*Any musical of any kind.
*Christmas Music in October.
*Financial Stability.
*A great adventure and stories to go along with it.
*Success in a small group.
*Having a high schooler do your dirty work. :)
*Having adults excited to spend time with middle schoolers for a weekend.
*Confirmation Class.
*Being respected.
*Finally feeling in control of this whole "adulthood" thing.

Potter Puppet Pals

Angst Angst Angst Angst. Hahaha

Uncommon

Today, while working on things for our upcoming youth led worship and perusing through the Book of Uncommon Prayer (2) by Stephen Case, I stumbled on this prayer. There is a friend of mine that I've been praying for that he would come to know Christ since I met him 6 years ago. This just about sums it up.

"Thank you for the faith that comes as a gift from you, O God. We have felt your presence, and we believe in you. But there are others who do not follow you and they may argue and get angry with those of us that believe. We don't have proof for them, God. You don't work that way. We don't have evidence that will remove their every doubt. But we know we have met you, God. And someday they will see you. Someday you will put your face down close beside theirs, and they will see you. Take care of them, Father, for we know they are your children. Guide their feet on the path that leads them, and us, back to you. Amen."

Quote of the Week

In Confirmation...

Me: Ok, does everyone have their 10 commandments written down?
Faisal: No, Wait I only have eleven!

Ah I love middle schoolers.

Ponderance

On the day we received our Practicum assignments 4 years ago, I remember realizing that for our class that was the ending of being together. That soon and very soon God would be sending us all in very different directions. Internship placement came and went, internships came and went. We all received calls and 4 of us girls in very similar circumstances made very similar decisions to stay at our internship churches.

I was thankful that, even in our uniquely different situations, we were connected by that similarity. There was still someone who would understand the life that I was choosing because she was going through it too.

Today, a lot has changed. While the 4 of us are still at our internship churches, our circumstances are very different. 1 has gotten married, 1 is in a serious relationship and there is 1 who still is in a very similar circumstance to me. Good. I am still understood.

However, these past few months have thrown me into some introspection about my future (as I've blogged before). I don't know exactly what it looks like beyond this Thursday, beyond
May, beyond VBS. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going from here. I continue to do my job because it is here, because I love my youth, because I still see God's working in me here, but I wonder exactly what is going to happen.

I had thought that today-evaluation day-would be like some big blazing altar like in the times of Elijah-that it would make clear to me "Oh, so this is what you're supposed to do now." Instead, I feel like I am still waiting for an answer. I crave the black and white instead of all this gray.

Perhaps am I dragging my feet because I want someone to experience this first, so I know what to do. As the oldest child, maybe that has been embedded deep in me, this wanting to learn from someone else's mistakes and failures so that I don't have to. I want one of the other 3 to go first. Like a game of tag, I don't want to be "it."

Perhaps we should just play eeeny meeny miney mo.

Vague posting #1244219

Ahhh timing. What a kick in the pants.