Monday, December 19, 2005

The Grass Looks Greener

Ever heard that phrase "you always want what you can't have"? I think I have it. I have the alwayswantwhatyoucan'thave-itis (also commonly known as AWWYCH) How is AWWYCH diagnosed? Symptoms vary but can include complaining, moping, jealousy, ear aches, and lack of sleep.

Ok, I don't know about ear aches, but I do know that AWWYCH can be very dangerous--especially spiritually.

How is one diagnosed? Well, I noticed it the other evening when I first started this blog. My roommate has been saying lately that we "don't have lives". Well, having come from last year, quite easily the loneliest year of my life, having any friends at all with which to hang out with (even just watching tv at someone's apartment or having the ability to go to movies with more than just myself on a friday night) seems like such a major feat (and a major answered prayer) that hearing "I don't have a life" hits me hard because this "non life" is 100 x more than what I had last year.

Life in churchwork demands a lot of hours-- strange hours-- and on average I have 2 meetings a week plus wednesday night activities. Let's also not forget that weekends=nonexistent in church work, particularly youth ministry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my work, my calling... because I do love youth ministry, it just makes me pretty darn busy. It also makes me pretty protective of my time off and insanely jealous of my roomie who has (for the most part) her evenings and weekends free (and apparently, is a cell phone... free nights and weekends!). I turn a little green with envy when she can hang out and watch tv at Jess's when I'm sitting through meetings.

Thinking about it though and praying about it led to some revelations. I'm happy, for the most part, with work, with my friends (i know they love me and want to see more of me--unless they're lying--jess don't answer), with my roommate, with life in general. AWWYCH is discontent disguised in a seemingly less harmful package, but it's effects on my spiritual life are just as taxing.

To me it seems like throwing all the blessings God has given me and throwing them back in His face. No, things aren't ideal, but no situation is. I would like more free time, but I knew what I was signing up for by staying at Messiah (and for that matter, Messiah has been such a huge blessing to me that the positives far out-weigh the negatives).

I also know that God has been good to this child and instead of complaining about what isn't happening, I should turn and praise the God who gives me a "storehouse full".


Lubke-Moss said...

Hi Hannah!

I had to leave you a comment~ just couldn't help myself :).
Although I am a non-chuchworker (gasp!) I am married to one and "get" to volunteer for a vast array of things. Nights and weekends are sometimes non-existant to me, too. I can relate to the conflicting emotions. I desire to serve God and be a good helpmate to my husband, but then my human nature rears its ugly head and says "What about time for me?" It's normal and happens to the best of us, so do not fret too much! :)

I wish you a fabulous Christmas, Hannah!