Grace Like Rain

I love the image of God's grace falling like rain washing us clean inside and out. There is something quite beautiful about it.

It's been quite a while since I've posted and a lot has happened since then. It seems like God is still teaching me that He's got things figured out and I need to let him take control of my life so He can do the things He wants with me.

For those of you that know me, you know that May was quite a month, namely because of my acceptance of the call to serve as DCEY at Messiah. Yay!

Back to the title of the blog. It's comforting to know that through all the times I struggle, God's grace overflows in my life and washes away doubt, fear, loneliness and pain. This past month has been a rollercoaster. My best friend here is moving away and since she's mentioned it, I've dealt with this incredible loneliness--in a deep way like I've not experienced before. I've also really really struggled with feelings of regret and loss over a friendship and possible relationship i willingly walked away from. I have been second guessing myself (mainly out of the loneliness I wrote about already) Did I make the right choice? Was I listening for God to speak in this or was I simply afraid to take the chance?

I'm also struggling with my singleness more than i have this year. I worry that I'll never get married, that I've missed my chance, that God never has had marriage in his plans for me. This has been an out and out battle this week including me telling God, in tears, "God this is a desire of my heart, why aren't you answering?"

Ahh, but here's the catch, as reminded by my friend Kristy. GOD IS ANSWERING... just not the way I want him to. She said this, "Maybe its God's plan for you to be single right now because he wants to use you to the best of his ability, because he knows that when you meet your future husband it'll happen so fast, things at your church will need to be able to run on their own so that you can be distracted by him"

I'm ok with that answer. It's not the typical cliche of "nows not the right time" and I can wait and let God use me, let Him live his dreams through me in a more intense way while he readies my husband for me.

I want to be that clay that God can mold and use.

I also feel God telling me to wait, to be patient for a little while longer. I know that God wants to bless every aspect of my life, especially my ministry, and to be honest, I want that to grow and flourish and have blessing upon blessing poured out upon that. I want to be a witness to the youth I encounter of God's grace in my life, so I have to start acting and living and believing that he is actively working in my life.... even if I cannot see it.

So, that's where I am right now. happy weekend!