Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Sunny with a high of 75...

I wish that I had some profound wisdom or could see where God is leading me with my life.

I know that I've been called to do professional ministry (everyone is a minister, I'm just getting paid to do it), and I think that I'm being called to do that ministry here; at Messiah. I have been so blessed to have a chance to do what I do and it's because of this church, these wonderful people. No, it's not a perfect job, and yes, there are days when I think "God... why?" but then I am (almost immediately) reminded of his care of me.

I think that's the theme of this year of my life moreso than in past years. When the protective bubble of friends, family, concordia is stripped away, God is what I'm left with... and it should be who I start with, but in the busy-ness of semesters and breaks and finals, God got pushed to the back to the "if I have time, I'll look to you God". At my time at concordia, the more I learned how to do God's work in the church, I forgot who I was as God's child, his beloved. It took this time here; with its challenges and joys that made me realize that God has never failed in his care for me, even though I doubted, even though I fought him, ignored him, forgot him. God has never wavered in his love, his devotion for me. Never.

Valentines Day was yesterday and it was a good, ordinary day. Last week I complained about my state of singleness and it was only because I was lonely. I was lonely because I hadn't taken the time to connect with friends or connect with my savior--the guy who knows the guy I may someday marry. It's amazing how the simple act of worship, of spending time with God can refresh and renew my attitude.

"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first, Doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything,trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8; the message)

Take comfort in the fact that on this day and every day, you are loved more fully, more deeply, more profoundly by a God than any human ever could.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

What a week

what a month really. Life has been nonstop since Christmas and seems to be picking up speed each day. I think I need a vacation because I've been stressed and irritable ALL week long. I think that I'm really tired and have lost all sense of routine because (suprise!) there hasn't been one.

I'm not sure what happened to January, but my February's spent and March is half planned. There seems to be no "slow" month in the church world, and while that's great it wears me out. Maybe once I've been somewhere a full year life will get better and I'll have a better handle on a schedule.

I ask for your prayers. Things aren't turning out like I thought they might and that's frustrating and exhausting and has been wreaking havoc on my spiritual life as well as work life. I'm praying for April. I hope it comes quickly. This is probably why I've been praying for patience since November.

And then there's my social life. While there is a glimmer of hope for it, i realize that it has to be MY initiative and that's scary. What if people don't like me?

And then there's the fact of my singleness... and perhaps it's because valentine's day is near by and I'm single, or maybe it's because God's trying to tell me marriage isn't for me and I won't give it up.

Sorry to be so depressing, but everyone needs to complain sometimes right?

I think that I need a few days off where I don't do anything but sleep and read my Bible and catch up on "me time," but I don't know if that will happen... but oh well, that's life, right?